do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
