we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
