I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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