Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
