please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
