Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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