Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
