I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
