This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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