Moan for me like Helen Keller
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
