I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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