if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize