Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
