So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Randomize
