We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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