Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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