he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
