Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
