this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
