I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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