My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
another moral hangover. fuck.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
