You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
