THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
