I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
