So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
