Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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