id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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