I accidentally burped into my bong.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
