i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
