Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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