sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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