mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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