somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
then he tried to convert me to islam
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
