i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
