You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
