yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
