I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
