My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
