Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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