I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
