She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
