I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
