It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
