to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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