Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize