We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
