i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I forget how to act sober
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