he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
