every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
