Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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