It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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