Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
