i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
