People in love make me want to vomit
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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