Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
