You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
